How can it be 2019 already? It seems that time just keeps going by us and makes you look at what was and where you want to go. We start the year off with our loved ones and end the year with those that we love, time goes by in a blink of an eye. This New Year feels different for me. It is my first time living away from home and let me tell you it has not been the smoothest road that I have been on. Looking back at last year I never thought that my life would lead me to this moment and all the trials that I have been through. I cant say that I’m not grateful for what I have in life but that I wanted to change what my life is like and how I live it. So with that I want to take advantage of everything that this new year had to offer me! As I got thinking of what my new year goals were going to be I got thinking what makes this years goals different then all of the other years and the goals that I had then?
First thing I had to do was to look at where my life is and see what I wanted to change.There are a lot of things that I wanted to change but a lot of those things  I have no control of .What does this year have to offer me? Is it going to be a year where I look back and think well that was a crappy year? No I am not going to settle for less than what I deserve. I feel like I have been through a lot and the world owes me something. I cant even believe that I thought of that. The world doesn’t owe me anything it is I who owes the world. So I decided that what ever it is that I want this year to be I had to find it with in myself. Which sounds crazy because who wants to take that much effort to creat a life where they have to work harder to be happy. Well being happy is a chose and it is a simple one which sometimes makes it the hardest chose you can make. That little choices will change each day which will lead to a year of happiness even when you are hit with a storm. You can look back and say “I found happiness even though my world felt like it was crashing down on me” . Who can say that? Happiness is what I want from this year even when it get really hard I want to be that person who looks at the world with eyes that smile and say “The world is a beautiful place and this is just a moment not forever”.
Coming back from the holidays spent with my family was really hard. I have never gotten homesick like I did. I was blesses with amazing parents who helped me through it and to them I am beyond thankful. At first I wanted this year to be over with already and I wanted to be home with my family. I had to get past that and look at where I am. I am in New York for goodness sack. Why couldn’t I just enjoy it? I was making ever excuse that I possible could to why I wasn’t enjoying living here. I wanted the days and months to go by so fast that I thought I would have to just get through this and then I could enjoy my life. That whole thing is full of crap. Never believe that and don’t let yourself think that when I get some where in life I’ll be happy. Life is hard and you are always going to have to find the light in the storm. We may think that its a destination but it’s not. Talking to my parents about how I felt,they helped me to see that Its me that has to change my life and its not where I was that makes life better. I started to think of all the things that I would love to do here in New York. Oh how there is a lot of things that I want to see and do. That I want to enjoy my time here but at the same time I want it to go by fast. Well with that I decided that I need to live in the moment or I will be wishing that I would have. This year I am living in the moment even in the hard times because there are lessons to be learned but that way I can see Gods hands in the moment. As we live in the moment our year will be filled with memories that have brought love, laughter, and the eyes to see the world as God wants us to but most important we get to grow into the person that God know that we can become be cause we took the time to slow down even when time passes by.
Most peoples new year goal is to lose weight or to eat healthy. Which is a great new years goal don’t get me wrong. Its wonderful that people want to start making better habits of taking care of themselves. I didn’t want to say I want to lose weight or to be fit let alone eat healthy so I just decided that that would be a new habit that I wanted to creat. We make this goal because we don’t like what we see when we look in the mirror. We aren’t comfortable in our own skin. Who wants to live a life like that? Always wondering  if they we are ever good enough or pretty enough for someone else. Well let me tell you this who cares what someone else thinks. I know its easier said then done but really who care what someone at the store thinks of you or the boy on the street that gave you a gross look. I have always wanted to love myself and have confidence in who I am that I decided that this year I would take better care of my body. That doesn’t just mean eat healthy and work out. I look at is as feeding my body the things that it needs not just physically but mentally. Its not going to easy but it will be worth ever second of it. Speaking kind to myself even when I don’t feel what I am telling myself. I have to reprogram by mind to not look at what I don’t like but to look at the things that I love not just about my body but my personality and my dreams. There will be people in the world who don’t believe that I can make my dreams or goals come true, how can they tell me that I cant do it because I am the only one who can do it because I believe in myself. Telling myself that I am worth loving, I am strong , I am beautiful in every way. As I tell myself that even on days that I don’t believe it, those days are the most important days to make sure that I tell myself those words. Loving who I am in every way will make my life filled with every color in the rainbow. I will have no limits in this world that can stop me from living my life and loving those around me. Self love is not just for me but as I do love who i am I am able to love those who are around me for who they are because I will only see the beauty that they have.
The worst habit that I have is that I look for things to worry about or the bad things that are going on in my life. This is like setting a fire that I keep feeding while at the same time trying to run away from it before it kills me. I don’t want to live like this anymore. I don’t want to feel like my whole world is on fire that cant be put out. Trying to break this habit that I have created is not going to be easy but like anything that is not easy will always be worth it in the end. I just needed to not focus on the negative things in my life whether they were what people said to me or the hard trial that I am going through. I needed to fill that space of thinking with something else. I have to give credit to my wonderful parents again for helping me with this one! They told me to look for the good in each day even if it was that It didn’t snow or that my work day was over. Whatever it was I just needed to look at the good about the day. As I started this my view on what my life is like changed even though it has only been a couple of weeks doing it. As the weeks have gone my gratitude for the little things has grown. My heart is filled with more love for my family and the things that they have done for me. My heart is full of gratitude for what God had given me. Being more grateful for what I have in stead of looking at what I don’t have or how hard my life is has changed how I feel inside. I have more room for happiness, love and eyes to see Gods hand in my life. Changing the little things in life can change your whole world.
2019 Is the year that I will love what ever it brings me because what I chose to focus on the beauty of this year that will become the best year. I will grow because of the opportunities that 2019 will bring me even when they get hard and I want to quite. What I chose to work on will make the next year even better but will make this year full of memories that will change my life and hopefully they  will help others to love their lives and to believe in who they are. To see what God has in store for me and those I love will bring much growth. Working on yourself you are giving others the chance to change their lives just by who you are as a person. I hope this year bring you memories that are filled with happiness. Gratitude that changes your life and believing in who you are as well as loving your self because you are amazing and beautiful inside out! Happy New Year!

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