I feel like my mind has not stoped going. I can’t sleep at night because of all the things that have been racing in my mind, with all of that I would like to share some of those things that I just can’t stop thinking about.
I don’t do to well with changes but at the same time I’m excited for new things in my life. I never want to feel like something is coming to an end which makes me scared of the changes that will happen in my life. I’ll be missing out on things while making memories of my own.
I have always done things different from the kids my age. I was home schooled from half way through my freshman year all the way till I graduated, while I worked. In many ways this has always made me feel like I was missing out on something because I was doing something different than what kids my age were doing. I didn’t really hang out with friends that much but I didn’t like too. I loved my me time but I felt like I needed to be doing what everyone else is doing. As the time has gone on and now we are all graduated, we are supose to know what we want out of this life.
I again am doing what people would consider “different” from what a normal 18 year old would be doing. I am not going to collage right now like a lot of 18 year olds. This had made me think “Will I never be successful in what I want” because I’m not doing what is “normal” or considered “traditional”? Everyone expects us to go to collage after high school and get our dream job…. well not me! I chose to go nanny for a year which is something that I never thought that I would do in my life. I know what I want to do in life and this was not in the plan to help me get there, so why should I do it?
All of this has left me still feeling left out on life, like I am less than everyone else because I have chosen to do something different. As I have been away from home with everything that I am familar to I have had time to really think and figure things out. I have always believed that we are here on this earth because we have something special to do and because we are special. Why would God make me different from others? Why cant I want or do what they are all doing? List of questions can go on of all the why’s.
Today I have found a little glimps of the Why’s. I am different from everyone and so are you. Which makes us that more special because we have something that no one else has to offer this world. The things that we love along with the desires of our hearts are put there from God. He is the all mighty and all knowing. God knows our true potential but to be able to gain and grow into those we have to do things in life that push us to the growth. The paths that we are on as well as the ones to come are leading us to the person that we are meant to be. That doesn’t mean that we don’t have a chose in this life to pick what path we want. Their are two type of people that we can become, what path we chose is the person we are choseing to become.
So with that I guess what I am trying to say is that I am okay with being different from everyone. With not following the crowd but to follow my path that is set for me. Where ever that may take me I am ready to grow and to create the person that God believes that I can become. To go through things that might break me in the beginning while making me whole in the end. I just want you to know that if you feel like your left out because your not doing what others are doing dosen’t make you less of a person. You need to go and do what is best for your soul. Create the life you want because in the end all those things will lead to the life that you have chosen to live.
I am grateful for all the ups and downs that I have had in these past 18 years. I would not be the person I am today with out them. I have fallen but God has picked me up many times. I will continue to chose the path that will lead to the person that I want to become. Remember that you are worth love and being loved!